Way Over My Head
by Trmpetplaya1
Summary: A certain Li Syaoran has a problem. He can't seem to tell the girl he likes that he likes her. Chances are getting slim. And his time is running out. Especially after he gets a message in the form of a visitor from Hong Kong. [SS]
1. Boys are Complex Beings

_Way Over My Head_

**Disclaimer:** I must agree with the nice doctor people. I do not own Card Captor Sakura. Now on the subject of Syaoran…let's just say we differ in opinion.

-----

I cannot see it.

Dammit, I just can't.

Everything around me is changing, and while I may not be Mr. Super Excited about it all, I can still deal.

But without her in my life?

No.

Can't even imagine it.

Yeah, it's a girl.

I always thought I'd never have that problem. You know, love and girls and junk.

But that was before I came to Japan. Before I saw past the label of 'rival' and saw the most beautiful spirit I have ever come in contact with.

Of course, it helps that she's got these gorgeous, innocent green eyes – which happens to be my favorite color – and a smile that could light up the world.

Ugh. I'm getting all dreamy-eyed again. But I can't help myself.

Not when it comes to her.

Me? Who wants to know? Guess I'll humor you, not like it really matters anyway.

The name is Li Syaoran, former heir to the leadership of the Li Clan, based out of Hong Kong. Currently residing against family wishes in the small town of Tomoeda, Japan. Well, my mother didn't exactly say no (she didn't say yes either) and my father died when I was a kid, but if you count the entire Li Clan which I happen to be related to as my family, then yes, I am going against my family's wishes.

They weren't too happy when I told them I was going to move back to Japan. Because of a _girl_. Yeah, I think that solitary confinement for three months, being stripped of all political power after I still wouldn't back down, and being told never to set foot in Hong Kong again pretty much sums up 'not too happy'.

It's not my fault I fell love. Hell, they're the ones that sent me off to Japan in the first place.

For the Clow cards. For _power_.

I can understand the need for protection from outside enemies. I can understand becoming as powerful as possible to protect the ones you love. But something tells me, deep in my gut, that the power they want is the kind that crushes those around you before they even have a chance to think about attacking you.

Power for the sake of power.

And I can't stand it. Not since I've found something to protect. Something I'd give my life, my position, my soul for.

Someone.

What's that? Does she know?

Of course not!

Don't look at me like that. You try telling the love of your life how you feel about her when you haven't had the excuse to talk to her in three years.

I tried at first. I really did. But then she'd turn around when I called her name and look all sweet and expectant…and the words started mixing together.

And then she'd say my name, her face etched with worry.

"_Syaoran-kun? What's the matter?"_

And then the words wouldn't come anymore.

It became harder to breathe and I swear the people back in China could hear my heart beating.

But it was no use. I always ended up turning away, shaking my head and telling her never mind. It was nothing.

I was nothing.

Coward. That's what I am. I can't even say a simple phrase to a girl. A _girl_.

And then life happened.

High school happened.

I hardly ever saw her after our first semester. Our classes were different, our clubs met at odd times, even our friends were different.

That didn't stop me from watching her, though. If I couldn't speak to her because of time constraints or my own clumsy brain, I would watch her from afar.

I practiced the things I'd say. It was always something along the lines of "How's life? Good? Good. Okay well I gotta go. Oh, and by the way, I'm madly in love with you. See you later."

What? Not romantic?! Well, excuse me if I happen to be horrid with words and if I like things straight-forward like that.

Lay off.

Truth is (and if you ever breathe a word of this to anyone I will hunt you down to the ends of the earth and stab you to death with a spork) I'm afraid.

I'm scared she'll reject me. Smile that sad, pitying smile of hers and tell me she appreciates my feelings but doesn't like me 'like that'.

Or worse: she'll tell me she's already found someone to love. Her heart is no longer free. Her eyes are no longer mine to gaze at, her hands not mine to touch and hold when she's sad, her smile not for me and me alone.

And these thoughts scare the shit out of me.

It's her fault, anyway, all this emotional crap. She's the one who opened me up in the first place, dammit; the least the woman could do is let me love her.

Okay. I'm calm, it's cool. No worries.

I just get so…ugh…when it comes to her. She's like a drug to me. I can never get enough.

These past three years have been torture. Withdrawal's a bitch, I tell ya.

But after next week, I will die.

Figuratively of course; don't go calling that suicide help hotline now, I'm not _that_ far gone.

Next week is our _sotsugyou-shiki_ (graduation ceremony). And then she'll be going off to college, somewhere I can't follow her to. Why? Because I decided to let fate have a go at my pathetic life (since I seem to be doing such a horrid job) and chose a school without asking her where she was going.

And the chances of it being the same one are extremely slim, if my calculations are correct.

Last I heard, she wanted to be a teacher, an elementary school teacher.

And me? Hell if I know what I want to do with my life. It's kind of rough, your life goal switching from political leadership within a high-ranking clan to having no aim in life at all.

Aren't I just a bowl full of sunshine.

Screw it.

I'm in way over my head and I know it. But I don't care. I love that woman and if fate's on my side I _will_ tell her how I feel, same college or not.

And who knows. Maybe she'll somehow love me back.

Despite the years apart, despite our differences, despite the fact that we were once rivals.

Maybe.


	2. Girls are Even Worse

_Way Over My Head_

**Disclaimer:** You know how it is. I don't own Card Captor Sakura. But you probably don't either so _ha_!

-----

I'm waiting.

For what?

A boy.

Yeah, I know. With boys I could be waiting forever. Especially with this one, seeing as I haven't talked to him in about three years.

But you see, I don't mind.

Someone once told me that there is no such thing as coincidence in this life, only fate.

And something tells me that even though we haven't spoken in three years, even though I'm pretty sure he's forgotten my existence, our fates are somehow intertwined.

There was a time in the past where they were. An intense time, a time when I needed someone to be there for me and help me in my tasks.

And he was.

But then he returned to his home in Hong Kong, summoned by his clan for training for his future leadership position.

I wrote him letters. Often. He responded at first, but after three months the replies suddenly stopped. I wrote every week for another month after that, but got nothing.

So I decided to let him be. There was a reason and while I wasn't sure I wanted to know what that reason was, especially if it was because he no longer liked me as a person, I accepted it.

I had no choice.

Intermediate school was a blur. My best friend was always worried about my lack of enthusiasm.

"_Sakura-chan?"_ she'd ask, _"What's wrong? Is it Li-kun? I'm sure there's a good reason why he hasn't contacted you yet. Please don't be sad. When you are happy I am too. But when you are sad…"_

And while I appreciated her worrying, I just wanted him to be there. To tell me it was okay, he didn't hate me he was just up to his neck in work and couldn't break away to write to me.

To hold me and whisper in my ear words I've only heard in my dreams.

No. I can't let myself think like that.

The fact that he's here, now - that should be enough happiness for me. Being able to share the same high school with him should be enough. Seeing him everyday from across the courtyard should be enough.

It should be. But it's not.

He appeared suddenly halfway through the last year of intermediate school, scowling like always. I was so excited to be in the same class as him. I must have talked his ear off, telling him this, asking him that, and he just sat there and nodded, answering whenever I took a breath to let him.

He seemed happy to let me ramble on.

I wonder what happened to him in Hong Kong. The first time I saw him again I almost didn't recognize him. His face looked the same, older of course, but the same messy brown hair and trademark scowl.

But his eyes. I didn't recognize his eyes.

There was something in the amber-brown irises that refused to reflect the light like they used to. It was as if the light was absorbed by the sorrow that lay hidden underneath the brown.

It makes me sad, remembering.

We talked a lot those last months before high school. Sometimes he'd try to tell me something, but I never found out what it was. He would always turn around and say 'never mind; it's nothing'.

High school pulled us apart. Fate seemed to hate me then. We were put in different classes all three years, classes that just happened to always be on opposite sides of the building. Our clubs were also night and day. He chose soccer, I stuck with cheerleading. And while there were a few times we cheered for his soccer matches, our practices never once allowed us to cross paths.

Being in different classes and social groups severely messed with whatever relationship we had prior to high school.

I still watched him. I couldn't help myself.

I used to think he watched me as well, but then I realized I was just deluding myself. People with different friends, different purposes, different lives don't do silly things like watch each other across the courtyard.

Although I'd give anything to have it be true.

Our _sotsugyou-shiki_ is tomorrow. I wonder if I'll have a chance to talk to him then.

Hm? What's that?

I should _call him_?!

Why? I have no reason!

Make one up?!

You are one crazy…wait. Maybe I could invite him to our graduation party afterwards.

Do you think that'd be okay?

It's not like it'd just be me and him. Although I wouldn't mind that.

Ah! Stay on track, girl!

Anyway, there are lots of people from school coming. And it's at a restaurant, so he could leave whenever he wanted without feeling pressured.

I heard he lives alone. That's too sad for me to think about. No family to be with as you close a major chapter in your life?

No, I can't have that.

As much as I want to be the only one there for him, I know that can't happen. But at least he'll have some other people to celebrate with.

Even if he chooses not to spend time with me.

No! Can't think like that. Gotta be optimistic. He hasn't even said yes or no yet.

What?

Oh yeah.

I have to invite him first.


	3. An Invitation and an Univited Guest

_Way Over My Head_

**Disclaimer:** I Card Captor Sakura own do not. (And you, too, can obtain this kind of grammar pattern by living in Japan! Japanese: a great way to screw up your already sucky English grammar. Bah.)

-----

…_57…58…59…_

Hm. There sure are a lot of cracks in this dang ceiling.

But that's what you get when you suddenly arrive in another country with no place set up for you to stay in.

Japanese rent is freakin' expensive. Granted, I was spoiled off my ass in Hong Kong, so I really don't have any comparison, but I'm pretty sure that this is not normal.

One month's rent upfront as a 'gift'? Psh. Gift my foot.

Oh well. I'd gladly pay a whole year's upfront if it meant I could stay by her side forever.

Yeah, her. Same girl.

Hasn't changed in the last week.

Speaking of which, I need to set out my change of clothes for tomorrow. It's graduation and I have to wear a suit. Not too happy about that one, but the girls all get to wear kimono.

I'm particularly looking forward to seeing what one green-eyed, brown-haired classmate of mine is going to wear.

And of course, on the off chance that I actually get to be within two meters of her, I want to look my best.

What?

Guys can care about appearance too you know.

Guess I'd better take a shower then.

Hey, just because I care about my looks tomorrow doesn't mean I have to care every day of my life. All guys go without showers sometimes. Don't look so surprised.

Ah, great. My iron's broken.

Crap.

Guess I'd better go get a new one. No way am I showing up looking like a bum with a wrinkly suit.

-----

Holy. Shit.

What? Did I get the iron? Yeah, but that's not the point.

Ho. Ly. Shit.

Hang on a sec, lemme get my bearings back. Then I'll tell you. Promise.

Okay.

So I went to that department store around the corner, you know, the one with all those cheap electronics and junk. I'm checking out the irons when all of a sudden:

"Syaoran-kun? Is that you?"

And all I can think is, _it's that voice, the voice I've been waiting three years to hear, the voice I gave up my future for…_her_ voice._

"Uh, yeah. Hey."

"You know it's weird, I was just thinking about calling you because I had something to ask you, well, it's not too much, just an invitation, but yeah, then I realized that I didn't have your number, you never gave it to me in school you know, not that I've seen you around that much, oh, I hope I'm not bugging you, that's the last thing I want to do, should I go? I'll go…"

"Wait!" I couldn't stand to see her turn around and leave like that. Not until I had properly processed her words first.

She turned back around to face me but kept her eyes focused on the ground.

Let's see…calling me…wanting to ask me something…invitation…?

Okay. Invitation.

"Um, what was it you wanted to ask me? Something about an invitation?"

She was still looking at the ground but she nodded.

"Yeah. But if I'm bugging you, it's nothing, really, I can go…"

Bugging me? This woman thought she was _bugging_ me?

I was about burst because I felt so damn happy.

"No! No, you're not bugging me at all."

I tried to smile at her then, but I haven't smiled in so long I kinda forgot how, so I'm sure it looked pretty scary. Good thing she was still looking at the ground then.

Although I would've given all the money in my wallet to have her look up at me that moment so I could see her beautiful green eyes again.

"Oh. Okay. Well then, um, yeah. So me and some of the kids from school are going out with our families after graduation tomorrow. It's nothing much, just dinner at some Italian restaurant. But yeah, so, I wanted to invite you because, uh, yeah…"

I could tell that she was nervous for some reason. Did I scare her? Did she notice me watching her across the courtyard during lunch? Was she afraid of me?

I hoped to the gods that she wasn't. That her nervousness was just a normal side effect of not knowing how to talk to someone you haven't spoken to in a long time.

But something in my stomach told me it wasn't that. She was afraid.

And it hurt me for some reason.

Hurt or no hurt, I was accepting that invitation, even though I knew that family meant her brother and that her brother meant I wasn't going to get anywhere near that two meter radius I'd been shooting for.

Take what you can get, I guess.

"Sure. I'll go."

Her head shot up then and her eyes locked with mine, shocked for some reason.

Shocked green eyes are still beautiful. If I could capture that moment in time, I would. The only way I would ever erase that memory was if I had another memory to replace it. A memory where she's looking into my eyes and smiling because I told her I loved her and she is happy because she loves me back.

Like that'll ever happen. Especially with the nervous way she's acting around me.

Shit. The one girl I actually like and don't _want_ to scare away I end up freaking out and make her stutter.

She is the one inviting me, though. I guess I should take that as a plus.

"Really?"

Her voice brought me out of my thought processes.

"Yeah. Wouldn't miss it."

I think I actually managed something that could be called a smile right then. At least one side of my mouth turned up for sure.

She apparently saw it because her eyes lit up and a smile graced her lips.

"Great! I'm so glad! Let me get your phone number just in case, oh, and if you want you can just come with us right after the ceremony because my Dad's driving and I don't want you to have to worry, and of course if you want to bring anyone you're more than welcome to…"

I let her ramble on, happy to just stand there in the home appliances aisle, iron in hand, listening to her wonderful (if not slightly nervous) voice.

We exchanged phone numbers, I bought my iron of choice (betcha can't guess the color…green? Damn, you're good) and now I'm here.

I still can't believe it. I get to see her again tomorrow. The last day I may ever be in the same school as her and I get lucky enough to spend the evening with her. Well, her and her family and probably twenty of her closest friends, but like I said before: you take what you can get.

I am a happy man.

Maybe I'll tell her tomorrow. If I can somehow get her out of hearing range of that scarily over-protective brother of hers, I'll do it. I'll tell her how I feel.

Yes.

Wait a minute, is that the door? Who in their right mind would come here at this hour?

I'm not expecting any packages, I don't have any friends close enough to drop by unannounced, Sakura (the girl, that's her name) doesn't know where I live (although a small part of me hopes it's her), I really don't see who could possibly---

"Meiling?!"


	4. Reactions : Actual and Expected

_Way Over My Head_

**Disclaimer:** I don't own these characters. I just like to get inside their heads and find out what's going on in there. Don't tell them, though.

-----

I.

Am.

An.

_Idiot_.

I mean, I finally, _finally_, get the chance to get to talk to him and what do I do?

Run my mouth like some stupid, ditzy, love-sick teenager.

Not that I'm _not_ one mind you, but I don't have to broadcast it to the whole world. Especially not to him.

Hoe…

Do you think he was annoyed? He looked kind of busy, trying to choose an iron and all. I really wasn't expecting to approach him; I wasn't even sure it was him.

He looked so tired.

But curiosity got the best of me (as usual) and I called out asking if he was my childhood friend and current love interest – well, I just said his name, but you know.

And then he turned around and looked at me.

I lost it. My words just came bursting out of my mouth like some uncontrollable force. And before I knew it I was inviting him (in the most unattractive way possible), apologizing for it, and uninviting him.

In the same sentence.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I talked to Kero-chan about it when I got home. He just laughed of course, and told me not to waste my breath on 'that kid'. Kero? Oh, he's one of my two guardians. The other one is currently dating my brother. Weird, but whatever.

Luckily, after my horrid entrance and equally abrupt exit, Syaoran called me back. I was so embarrassed though. Couldn't even look him in the face.

But several 'uh's and 'yeah's later on my part, he said yes.

He said yes.

I thought I was going to cry, I felt so relieved.

I swear he tried to smile at me, too. Half-grin, at the least.

Of course, Kero-chan had to ruin it by saying that he was probably just maniacally happy at the chance to have a go at Touya (my older brother) again. Boys. I don't think I'll ever understand why they like to fight so much.

Crap. I forgot.

I'm gonna have to tell Touya about this.

Dad won't mind; he's great with people, even when they're not so great towards him (that reminds me, Tomoyo's mom will be there too. I hope this restaurant has a good insurance plan).

But Touya. Ah, Touya.

The reason why to this day I have not dated a guy for more than two weeks. The man behind the truth that I have yet to have my first kiss.

The driving force behind my non-slutty wardrobe (although I'm grateful for this one; Tomoyo's tried to put in more revealing stuff lately since I gained a 'figure' as she calls it; saved me from a lot of embarrassment).

He is not going to be a happy man after he hears this.

Maybe I'll get Yukito (his boyfriend, the alternate form of my other guardian) to break the news to him. He's the only one that can soften the blows of my brother.

Although this time, I don't know if even Yukito can stop my brother's rage.

Hoe…

-----

**a/n:** Short chapter. So I'm gonna go ahead and upload the next one, too. Then the fun can begin (slightly evil laugh).


	5. In Which the Plot Thickens

_Way Over My Head_

**Disclaimer:** I never said I owned them. I only borrow them for my own sadistic writing means (evil laugh).

-----

Okay.

Whoever's in charge of my fate must be laughing his ass off right now.

Because I don't know if I can take any more surprises.

Yeah, one was good and great and had me grinning like an idiot and all that.

But this one just leaves me floored.

And I hate mood swings.

I bet it's a woman in charge of my fate. Women love drama and mood swings.

And if the person in front of me is any kind of indication, I know I'm gonna be in for a lot of both in the not-so-distance future.

After my loud outburst upon opening the door to find my cousin standing there, suitcase in hand (the exclamation of her name had been followed by a semi-long string of curses, if you must know) I could only stare at her in shock.

Which is why, five minutes later, I'm still standing here, door wide-open, racking my brain for some logical explanation as to her sudden appearance on my doorstep.

"Syaoran."

"Yeah?"

"We need to talk."

Shit.

That's never good. When women say 'we need to talk' it usually means _they_ do all the talking and you sit there and take whatever they have to dish at you like a man.

Which translates to cowering until they're through and then beg them to forgive you of whatever transgression you had the stupidity of committing.

Dammit.

Guess I can't leave her standing out there, not with that suitcase in her hand and that serious look on her face.

Her cold burnt-red eyes transmit their thanks as I take her suitcase and motion her inside.

I study her for a moment as she gets settled before closing the door and taking a seat across from her at the table (I never got around to putting in actual furniture in my closet-sized living room, just a table and some chairs in the equally tiny kitchen/dining area).

As the shock wears off, I've got to admit I'm kind of glad she's here. I miss having people around that know me and can talk to without worrying about scaring them off or them getting mad at my sudden gruffness.

If there's anyone in the world immune to my scorn, it's Meiling.

But in a good way.

She looks really tired, come to think of it.

"You want to start talking now? Or do you want something to drink first?"

"Drink sounds good. You got any of that jasmine tea I sent you?"

I nod.

"Yeah."

While I'm fixing the tea, I notice how quiet she's being. The Meiling I know was always so strong – in her opinions, her mannerisms, her emotions.

It's so weird to see her this way. Quiet. And sort of sad.

If anyone hurt her, I will personally make sure that they are never able to have children again. Or something equally scarring.

I set down a cup in front of her, along with some _senbei_ (Japanese rice crackers) I'd bought for a snack the other day and never finished.

"Thanks."

We sip our tea and munch on crackers in silence for a while.

I glance up at the clock and notice it's already two AM.

Damn.

I'm gonna look like shit tomorrow.

I allow the worry I'm feeling to creep into my facial features. Meiling is hurting and the least I can do is let her know that I know and am worried about it.

Hey, even cool, uncaring beings like me can have feelings you know. Especially towards those we love.

She looks up at me and smiles, but it doesn't quite reach her eyes.

"Thank you."

I know what she means.

"What's wrong, Meiling?"

"Have you told Kinomoto-san yet?"

Well, I wasn't expecting that one.

I know she's just stalling. There's something she knows that she doesn't want to tell me.

She's afraid to tell me.

"No."

I decide to humor her. If she doesn't want to tell me yet, fine. I know her and she'll tell me eventually.

She sighs.

"Syaoraan…"

Good. She's whining at me. That means that the real Meiling isn't gone, just suppressed by something, although what I don't know.

"What?"

She rolls her eyes.

"Syaoran."

Her voice is serious now.

"Listen to me. You have got to tell her. Soon."

Crap.

Maybe this does have something to do with what's making her down after all.

She takes a sip of tea before looking up at me again, all traces of lightness gone from her now pale face.

"You're probably wondering why I'm here. I was actually wondering myself."

My eyebrow flies up of its own accord.

If she didn't know, who did?

"Your mother sent me, Syaoran. She sent me at night, with money taken from one of her external accounts. I had to go by taxi, bus, train, even walked a couple of miles in order to get to a private airport in the next town over. The woman who flew me here believed I was deaf. That way she wouldn't ask questions."

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't shocked.

Why in hell would my mother go through such precautions to make sure that Meiling got here unnoticed?

Unless…

"The only things she told me were to lay low, not to answer any questions, and to tell you this: you must do what you came here to do and do it quickly. Then you need to prepare yourself for what's to come. Although she didn't say what. And she was quite adamant about the quick part."

I can only stare at her.

"Oh, Syaoran."

Her face has changed. It's now etched in worry and fear as she grasps my hand across the table.

"I'm scared. I have no idea what's going on. I know I broke off our engagement because you love Kinomoto-san and I can't stand to not be your number one. But what_ is_ this? What's it mean? You don't suppose the clan is trying to get back at you for running off?"

I squeeze her hand.

"Meiling, I have no idea. I'm just as lost as you are."

Think Syaoran, _think_.

What could they possibly want with me?

"Maybe if you tell me what's been going on since I left we can work out some kind of meaning for all this. Maybe even prepare for the future, whatever the hell it turns out to be."

She nods.

"Okay. But I can't tell you much. After you left, they tried to get me in on leadership training and you already know how short that was. Once they found out how close we were and that I actually supported your decision they gave up. Selfish bastards, trying to use my jealously of Kinomoto-san to pit me against you."

I growl.

Yes, I remembered. Other than my immediate family, Meiling was the only one from back home I kept in touch with. In the beginning she hadn't returned any of my letters, but then I found out that it was because the elders were stopping mine from getting to her.

They had apparently tried to convince her that by becoming the leader that I refused to be she could win her way back into my heart. Their main source of fuel was getting her to hate Kinomoto Sakura, the girl that had 'bewitched' me into falling for her.

Sons of bitches. Just proves that they don't know the first thing about Meiling.

If there's one thing I respect about Meiling, it's her loyalty. Sure, she's loud and borders on annoying at times, but that's just the strong side of her personality. I admire her courage to stand up to the elders and tell them to go screw themselves (politely, of course) because she was still my cousin and friend and fully supported my decision to love another.

God, I am such a coward compared to her.

But now's not the time for self-pity. We've got bigger problems in front of us.

"After that, I was kept out of the loop on all the important discussions and decisions. Even your mother had to 'prove' herself to them before they let her back into their circle."

I remembered that, as well.

One of the requirements for my mother to be fully accepted and trusted by the members of the clan leadership committee was for her to agree that all letters sent to and received from her son (yours truly) were monitored, even edited if they felt it necessary, and that her contact with Meiling was minimal and also monitored closely.

I really would like to know how she snuck Meiling out of Hong Kong without the elders' knowledge.

She may be cold and scary, but I've gotta admit, my mom's pretty bad-ass. When she wants to be.

Or in this case, when she _needs_ to be.

I would also be lying if I said I wasn't hurt when I found out what the clan's requirements were and that she had agreed to them.

But I don't think she had a choice. She had a family to take care of and unlike me was not free to do as she pleased.

Although it's looking more and more like I don't have that freedom, either.

"Well, do you know anything that could be helpful? Doesn't matter if it seems trivial; we've gotta use everything we know."

I can see her mind working as she tries to recall past events.

"There is something…hang on."

I get up to pace around.

I hate not knowing what's going on. I hate it even more when I can't do anything about it.

"Oh! Yes! I can't believe I almost forgot. Well, actually, I can. This happened while they were still trying to get me to agree to be the next leader. I'd wanted to tell you but knew they were monitoring my mail and it wasn't safe to write down anywhere. I'm glad I remember now."

I continue pacing but I grunt to let her know I'm listening.

"One of the secretaries asked me to get something for him in the room of records. They never let me go in there before. Especially not alone. I think they were trying to show me that they trusted me so I would be more inclined to trust them back. As if."

She snorts.

Very Meiling.

"While I was in there, I decided to poke around a bit. I figured I could get back at them by betraying their trust. Even though I don't think they ever found out."

She smirks.

Also very Meiling.

"I found the file the secretary needed, somewhere in 'oracles and premonitions', and right by it was a section for 'contracts, binding and irreproachable'. I thought that looking through it wouldn't hurt, especially if I needed something for blackmail if they got desperate and threatened me later on."

I nod in agreement.

Smart girl, that one.

"I thought I'd get something simple, something they'd be ashamed of and want to keep hidden, to use against them. What I didn't expect to find was a contract signed by the entire clan. And your father."

My pacing halts.

My father?

I hardly knew anything about him. Just that he was a quiet man, loyal, and a strong leader. He had given his life protecting my mother and some of the other women leaders of the clan when they were attacked by a group of still-unknown assassins. I was only two.

Meiling looks up at me, concerned.

"I'm fine. Really. Shocked, is all. Continue, please."

She doesn't look convinced, but she nods anyway.

"Apparently your father was quite well-known and respected by the members of the clan at that time. His was so highly revered that something never been done before was granted on behalf of his request."

Why couldn't I breathe normally?

Was it just the shock of hearing about my father?

Or was it more?

"Haven't you ever wondered why the clan spent so much time and training – on only you?"

Come to think of it, yes, I had wondered about that.

Usually they chose several young men and women to place in leadership training, based on aptitude tests, family line, magical abilities (although magic was legally not a requirement), and potential. Then, at they age of twenty, they would choose the man or woman that best met their criteria to become the next leader.

I had always thought that I was special or something. That there were no other contenders because there was no one that _could_ compete with me.

So I was a tad prideful. It's not like they gave me any reason not to be.

"The contract said that if something happened to your father before you turned twenty, you were to take over his leadership position at the appropriate time. No one else."

I stare at her.

"It was like he knew something _would_ happen to him, Syaoran. I read the contract front to back and there are no loopholes in it. You are the next leader."

My face grows grim.

"Not anymore, Meiling. I gave it up, remember?"

Stupid, stupid me.

My father did all that and I just throw it away? For a girl? Yes, it's the girl I love and all, but still?

I'm starting to get really confused.

And mad at myself.

"No, Syaoran. That's the thing. There was even a clause saying that if you give up your leadership position for the sake of a cause that the clan eldership does not approve of at the time, you are still entitled to your position."

My head snaps up.

"But only if you complete your task. Only if you get the results you were expecting. Only if you succeed."

Well, if that just doesn't hurt my head more.

"Then it says that you are to be immediately reinstated and to accept your position upon reaching the appropriate age of twenty."

Shit.

It's like he knew. It's like my father knew what was going to happen.

He wanted me to be a leader. He believed in me, even when I was just a kid.

Damn these emotions.

I haven't felt this much since I met Sakura for the first time. I have a feeling that if I had never met her, I wouldn't be capable of feeling so much right now.

But then again, if I'd never met her, I wouldn't have a reason to feel this way.

Damn, damn, damn.

How did he know? He was a powerful magician, but the power of premonition is determined not just by power, but by chance as well. Sakura had it; she was one of the blessed ones.

But my father? It was never recorded of him having the power of second sight.

Surely my mother would have told me if he did.

Unless it was something like this.

Then maybe she wouldn't.

"I think I know what they're going to do, Meiling."

She looks up at me expectantly.

"I think I know exactly what they're thinking."

Her face clouds for a second as she thinks, then she looks back at me, recognition in her eyes.

"Selfish bastards."

-----

**a/n:** Drama. Gotta love it. This is the most I've written in one sitting in years. I hope you enjoyed it. I like Meiling now. I used to hate her back in the day, but I blame that on having limited access to the actual Japanese CCS episodes ("Cardcaptors" is a fate worse than death; the only plus about that particular English version was that it introduced me to the wonderful Japanese show). Now that I've watched all of the episodes in their original Japanese, I've got a better feel for her character and I like it. Brash, yes, but also very loyal.

Stay tuned for the next chapter! And please leave a review, if you don't mind. They keep me going.


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